Joey looked up from his book. I noticed that it was Heinlein’s Friday.

                “Probably because they’ve been culturally imprinted to believe that monogamy, even when it’s unsatisfying, is the only proper loving relationship. Just turn on the radio or TV. The ether is saturated with memes reinforcing monogamy.”

                I thought for a second. “It’s true, I suppose. Even in the Soaps where people are popping in and out of bed with each other all the time, they keep coming back to the old one-on-one, you’re-the-only-one-for-me story line.”

                “Yes, and they sell soap by the carload with that stuff, too. Why do you think it is that there seem to be no approved alternatives to monogamy? I mean, if a man has more than one sex partner he’s a philanderer. If a woman does, she’s a slut. What’s going on here?”

                “Well, it would be easy to say that it’s all based on religious morality, but I think it goes deeper than that. It probably has to do with people’s self-image and the need to be loved. An awful lot of people seem to depend too much on others for their self-esteem. If someone they love has fun with someone else they feel threatened. Their self-image is tied up with being a part of a couple.”

                “Love? Most people don’t know what love is. They use it like a club to beat their partner into submission. ‘I love you, so you owe me every thought in your head and every moment of your time,’ they seem to say. Remember the song? ‘I have nothing, I’m worthless, wretched and useless, but I love you.’”

                I giggled. “Yes, there’s a lot of songs like that. So, why aren’t there more people like us? When you go to see your other girlfriends I don’t feel hurt. I like to think of you spreading that Joey-love around, making women happy. Of course, I might just call Geordie or Ian and spread some of my Amanda-love around, too.”

                Joey smiled. “When I think of you with your other boyfriends I get aroused. I like to think of you having a good time. But most people can’t get over the two obstacles of jealousy and possessiveness. They’re either afraid of losing their lover or they’re angry and hurt because they feel rejected. But then, maybe it’s just that they’ve been taught to feel that way. I dunno.”

                “It would be nice if there were some polyamorous role models around. Maybe I’ll write a book. The hero will be a strong-willed, independent woman who has lots of lovers and likes it that way and doesn’t apologize to anyone for it, and doesn’t get married but lives happily ever after anyway.”

                “You must mean your autobiography.”

                “You’re sweet. That’s just another reason why I love you best.”

                I sat next to him and we snuggled for awhile, then I went to write. I remembered that in my last column giving advice to freshmen, I got most of my stuff from Joey because I was stuck on the enormity of the task of how to explain about having satisfying sexual relationships. Joey speaks great words of wisdom. Men, he is an amazingly sensitive, sensual, and passionate lover so heed his words! However empathetic Joey may be, though, he can’t fully realize the realities of sex for college females. After speaking with him, I thought of a few more things to say to college women.

               First, as Joey points out, college is a time for exploration. You will be exposed to new ideas, people, and experiences. Don’t be afraid of these things, and that goes for sexual explorations as well. Young people spend a lot of time thinking about sex, but probably don’t spend enough time thinking about what they want when it comes to sex. Women, think about what you want to experience sexually! And don’t be afraid of what you might want. If you want to have sex with numerous and varied partners, or if you just want monogamy or celibacy, go for it and don’t waste time thinking about what other people (your parents, your friends, your minister, et. al) think is right for you – with practice and insight, you can become the best judge of that.

               Second, a great way to learn about what you like sexually is to masturbate. Just like with any kind of sex, it can be easy to get stuck in a masturbation rut – same way, same time, etc. Mosey on down to Christy’s Toy Box, or check out www.goodvibes.com for an excellent selection of vibrating items to help you with your self pleasure. When Joey isn’t around or when I’m in the mood for my own super lovin’, I grab the lube, get my twisty rotating bunny, and go for it. View your self as your own best lover, and believe me girls, it will reflect when you are getting’ naked with the boys. Also, and this goes back to you being your only judge and jury, if you see some hot honey in Econ class or flexing his pecs in the huff-n-puff, don’t be afraid to walk up, give him a sly smile, and pass him your number. This is, if this is what you WANT to do, but again, you should spend some time contemplating that. Perhaps, like me, you just want to manipulate the hot honey later on in your self-lovin’ fantasies. And if you do rub sweaty bellies with said hottie, and it doesn’t turn out to be the thrill you envisioned, don’t feel compelled to do it again or even go on a date with the guy. It is okay to just move on.

               Ladies, if you aren’t getting what you want from your fella sexually, don’t be afraid to let him know, gently but assuredly, what you might like him to do, or what you would like to do. Too much mind reading goes on with sex, and in my experience most men will appreciate any help you can give them. (If he doesn’t maybe you should dump him…) The fellas seem especially lost when it comes to giving women oral pleasure, so don’t be shy about demonstrating what you want in the licking department by demonstrating with one of his fingers. By the same token, it never hurts to ask a man if there is anything in particular he would like you to do. Also, lots of guys think the sex is over after he shoots his load, but that does not have to be the case. Feel free to lube up your clitoris, then proceed to rub yourself into sexual oblivion on your guy’s thighs or belly until you’ve had all the orgasms you want to have. An erect penis is nice, but not a necessity for female orgasm. So all you young female Sooners out there, don’t be afraid to take control of your sex!! Literally!

               On that note, I have one final thought. Say you find yourself in a situation where the male in question does not respond to loud and forceful “No” or “Stop” (I’ve found that “Stop!” is the better word, since “no” is sometimes ambiguous) repeated by you a few times. If this happens, and he proceeds as if your protests mean nothing, aim for his balls and punch, scratch, pinch, twist, as hard as you can. He’ll get the message.

               Good luck, do your homework, and I’ll be glad to answer any questions you may have