Dr.
Matt:
My parents are always getting on to me about my wardrobe. I wear all black
most of the time and I have green hair. They think it was the cause of my
declining grades in High School and that it is causing me to be depressed.
They are very religious Baptists and very active in politics and they say
that the logos on my clothes are Satanic and un-American. What should I
do?
-Steve, Norman
Well, Steve…
Your parents are confused about two things.
One: They think that outside appearance has an affect on mental health.
Although any coffee table psychologist can drag up some half-assed study
linking appearance to mood, it is probably more likely that your depression
in high school stemmed from the fact that you were attending high school.
Two: Your parents, being very religious, think that there is a magical
man in the sky that said "poof" and created all existence. This
is an obvious sign of a severe mental disorder. Possibly schizophrenia.
I would strongly recommend that you contact a mental health professional
and see what you can do about getting them some help. Their delusions
and subsequent political actions and donations based on these delusions
are a greater threat to themselves, you, and all of society, than your
black clothes could ever be. Better to act now than to wake up one day
in a society where our children are forced to start their school day by
praying and giving thanks to this imaginary man in the sky.
I would also venture to say that your parents are probably racist. They
seem to have a problem with black. Since there is no logical (or even
biblical) reason to think that black is inherently evil, the only reasonable
conclusion we can draw is that this fear of black comes from a subconscious
hatred for African Americans (and possibly African Africans). Your best
bet is to move out, and sever all ties with your parents. It's the only
way to avoid their racist, psychotic influence.
Dr. Matt,
I am a student here at OU and, with the recent tuition / fee increase,
I am having trouble paying for college. My parents don't want to help
me because they both worked their way through school and they say that
I should do the same. I already have several thousand dollars in school
loans and I don't want to add to that. What should I do?
- Susan, Norman
Well, Susan…
The only way you are going to make money is by working for it. However,
I would strongly discourage you from getting a job. Jobs are a waste of
time. They are there only so stupid people won't starve to death. This
is America; there are literally hundreds of ways to make a lot of money
with a little work. Selling drugs for instance. The Government has limited
the influx of narcotics in this country so that now the street prices
of most drugs are several times more than their production cost. Fortunately
for you, people love drugs. The intense, multi-billion dollar war on drugs
in this country has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that no amount of
enforcement will change that. What the enforcement has done is to make
the balance of supply and demand weighted heavily in your favor. I would
suggest you take full advantage.
You could also rob a convenience store. As long as you put a little thought
and effort into it, you'll get away with it. Anyone paying attention will
notice that the police in this country are far more concerned with writing
speeding tickets than they are with fighting crime. You could also get
a job, then when nobody is looking, clean out the register and say you
were robbed. Say it was a black man in his twenties. Even if you don't
say that, the cops will assume it anyways, so giving them that description
will almost definately remove any doubt about your story. In fact, judging
by your name and the fact that your parents both have degrees, I am going
to assume that you are a young white middle class female. You could get
away with anything so long as you blame it on that black guy. Put on some
dark makeup, tape your boobs, and go rob a bank. If you do get caught,
you can just cry on the witness stand and give some sob story about how
you couldn't pay for college because a black guy stole your life savings.
But if you don't get caught, you might think about ditching this whole
college-thing and doing the crime-thing full time.
|
![](../graphics/colorpics/Ask%20Matt%20-%20Crop.jpg) |